Ok the good stuff first-I got off work a little late so I modified my run. I ran lower bear canyon out to the phone line link passed the Blackett junction and back down the other side of the phone line link to sabino canyon road and shuttle stop 2. From there it was go time. I hammered out to the end of the road and only saw people heading back. So I hit the turn around at the end of the road touched the sign and kicked on down the hill.
Well lets see what happens if I kick it up a notch....So I started hammering downhill.I easily turned a high 5 minute mile and a low 6. I can tell my speed simple by how fast my legs turn. 5 minute miles usually make my legs spin so fast its almost as if I could fall and am unable to keep up with myself,I held this pace for 2 and a half songs. My 6 minute miles are a little more controlled but not by much. Any way I caught everyone that had passed me on their way back as I was climbing up that last long grade. They were easily 15 minutes ahead of me.
I was jamming. I may be able to do just the road in under 40 minutes...not sure. I'm a distance runner not sprinter. In fact i'm a very slow disatance runner. :) So the entire run -I started @ 6:55pm and finished all the way back and touching the jeep @ 8:21-So 1 hour 30 minutes.
Sets-2 sets of 50 pushups(100)
4 sets of 10 pullups(40)
4 sets of 25 leg lifts on the pull up bar(100)- during my 3rd set I started getting a huge knot cramp in my quad? back of my quad? weird so I had to stop for like 2 seconds.
200 variety style situps
Ok now for the unfun stuff. The following is just a way I vent and hash out my problems-If you are reading this and dont want to cry/ have a bad day or deal with my personal drivel then read no further.
So
I went searching for some paper work... and what did I stumble upon?I shouldnt have pulled it out....
An indian blessing, (this happened to have been read by the women who married us)-
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will shelter the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other...
Now ther is no more loneliness...
Now you are two persons, but, there is only one life before you...
Go now to your dwelling place, to enter into the days of your life together...
And may those days be good and long upon this earth.
The next thing I found, what I was actually looking for-
The court orders , good cause appearing.
Judgement of dissolution is entered. Marital or domestic partnership is terminated and the parties are restored to the status of single persons .... ugg Ok so I dont cry .I dont, and I sat on the verge for sometime. Weird. Anyway my health insurance company threatened me with fraud charges because I'm single but have refused to drop coverage on my wife-ex wife whatever. So I told em, I was always upfront and honest but they insist they need a copy of the divorce paper work .This is boggling because I said ok im not married drop her and they said prove it. Then they proceed to tell me if I continue to carry her even though I'm not married I would be charged with blah blah blah...SO DROP HER. Well we cant with out prooof but if you continue to carry her we will........... AHHHHHHH. Ok so I found the document. Now I have to be able to hold it for longer then 5seconds with out freaking out....not sure how im going to make a copy of it...
Oh well with her proclivity for indulging in substances I wanted to carry her for as long as possible while her addiction plays out. Hopefully she would still be covered when she bottoms out and wrecks the other car or whatevr. Its bound to happen.
It funny she actually did me a favor by leaving because I would have stood by her no matter what. Its almost as if she left so I wouldnt get caught in her wreckage.
I still talk with her frequently...We did everything together and am not used to other people really.
I just keep short circuiting when I try and go out with friends or people or whatever.
I mean geez do I need
a head shrinking? ha nah just keep working out.
I'm not suicidal/homicidal and still have my sense of humor and happen to loathe psycho analysts :)
Whenver I feel emotions I hear all this weird self talk like dont be a puss dont be emotional dont be a sissy grow up show some maturity.
I mean Im aware of it I know...
I really got messed up this time.
I want to save up enough money and by a little shack in the mountains and learn how to be totally self sufficient.
Grieving sucks.
I dont like being so volatile and understand that the intense training im subjecting myself to is dredging all this shit out.
Fuck I need to climb.
ok so song lyrics , I seem to have trouble expressing myself so I dont know....piss and moan wah wah woh as me oh poor me.
Ok I give up.
THURSDAY LYRICS"This Side Of Brightness"
I sewed it up Stitched all these dead end streetsInto the sewn up seams of my heartstrings unwind(unwound).
Like a petal pulled from an open flower.Surrounds by fields where children sign but don't make a sound and don'tBreak it off.
This searching for what we may never find And that says it all.
I hope that we will make it through..The heartbreak that comes with just living through one dayAll the good times that past and all the friends we lose in a lifetime on our way.Here in this life we seem so lost.On this side of brightness we don't know where to go.I hope that we can make itThrough this night.
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